Splintered hearts and 401Ks

'ello my pets. Today, I did a massive cleaning of my den. I found mail from Feb. that hadn't been opened (and one from December). That's when you know that you've been making the little piles of clutter and pushing them to the perimeter of the room too long. I need to have company over again, which forces me to clean better. [sigh] Yet, there's still lots of cleaning to be done.

Tomorrow, I go fill out my benefits paperwork for the new job. I'm nervous, even though I'm just filling out paperwork. It just gets more and more real, you know?? Yikes!

I started walking tonight and I hope it's something I can keep up with. I haven't been back swimming, but since the summer is here, swim lessons and more water aerobics classes have started. I love swimming and I'd like to do both. And *B* is going to start working with weight lifting with me. Lo weight, hi reps. I don't want to look like a linebacker.

I'm still sad, still suffering through stuff. My heart is still breaking. It hurts so bad and won't stop. It's so hard to put on this face for everyone else when I ache so bad inside. I don't want to drone on and on about what hurts and how it hurts, but it's so difficult to smile when everything inside feels shattered. I'm fractured. I'm evaporating. I look forward to reaching the stage where I'm just numb.

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Song Title: Explode
Artist: Frente

Lyrics:
the telephone's a terrorist... i'm not even listening... i'm walking with an audience....what isn't an accident... suddenly here... the worst words explode into love at my ear....i'm waiting to hear the worst words explode into love at my ear

this is not my skin... i was invited in... a sweeter singer than anything... suddenly here... the worst words explode into love at my ear... what's worse than my fears... the worst words explode

fear is my.... atmosphere....falling is frightening.... i don't know what you're doing here... you are like my lightening... suddenly here... the worst words explode into love at my ear... suddenly pure... the worst words explode into love at my ear ...worst words explode...explode....