Apr 4 Was a Bad Day

Sleepless again, worrying about a day that I cannot change. It was bad. It was one of those experiences where I was mortified and uncomfortable and I never want to think about it again ever, but my mind keeps replaying every teeth-clenching moment of it.... It's like, when I was kid, you know, like five or so, I was with Marlene and Charles in Eckerd. I picked up a pack of Bubblelicious-Watermelon flavored, and was taking it to Marlene to ask if she would buy it. When I got to her, she sternly grabbed my arm and started walking out of the store. She was aggravated about something (she usually was back then) and forcefully dragging me towards the exit. I started to panic because I knew I had the gum in my hand, but she wasn't listening to me so I could ask for the gum. About the time we got to the door, she spotted the gum in my hand and began to yell at me that I was stealing! I tried to tell her the truth, but before I could get it out, I got one swift pop on the behind and I was made to take the gum back to the register (what felt like a mile-long walk) and I had to put the gum back. Then, I got a lecture on shoplifting. I remember that every time I thought about that moment after that, I would get this bitter taste in the back of my throat and my eyes would tear up. I was so embarrassed!! Now, I'm mentally reliving my idiocy from yesterday. I hate it. I hate that feeling. I hate that I was such a moron yesterday, but I was nervous and scared and that's what I do when I'm nervous and scared. I'm still very much a little girl.