Rock Me-Song I'm Singin'

Oh baby you're young but that's okay
What's give or take nine years anyway
I'll bet you that cigarette
You won't regret my time

I want to be with a guy like you
So uncomplicated, so in tune
Just take off my dress
Let's mess with everybody's mind

I gotta tell you

Baby, baby, baby, if it's all right
Want you to rock me all night
Baby, baby, if it's all right
Want you to rock me all night
All night
Yeah rock me all night

Hey yeah yeah
Hey yeah yeah

I want to play Xbox on your floor
Say hi to your roommate who's next door
You don't have a dime, but I don't mind
Who gives a damn

Your record collection don't exist
You don't even know who Liz Phair is
Your potential with no credentials
Your mother taught you how to be a sensitive man
I gotta tell you

Baby, baby, baby, if it's all right
Want you to rock me all night
Baby, baby, if it's all right
Want you to rock me all night
All night
Yeah rock me all night

Hey yeah yeah
I've been waitin'
All my life for
Hey yeah yeah
For this feelin'
Who'd 've guessed it could rock me all night
Rock me all night

You think I'm a genius
Think I'm cool
I'm starting to think that young guys rule
Oh God, let me save you
'll I might change you, and I might change my mind

Baby, baby, baby, if it's all right
Want you to rock me all night
Baby, baby, if it's all right
Want you to rock me all night
All night
Yeah rock me all night

Can You Keep A Secret?

Yesterday, bad. Today, better.

If they do not turn the air conditioner on at school, I will be forced to teach high school seniors naked. Believe me, I'm not trying to be self-depracating when I say, NO ONE wants to see that. I walked around today, moist all over, with sweat. Moist in places I don't want to be moist. Moist, and not in a good way. So, note to school, "Turn on the air and a jig will be forthcoming."

I'm proud of myself. I made dinner. And real dinner. More than tacos. I made Jerk Chicken, mac and cheese, some kind of green veggie. Well, canned veggies, so veggies devoid of any cancer fighting good stuff.

I have something I think I want to tell someone. This person should call me again so I can tell. Shhhhh!

Try Not to Breathe

Or in my case, just try to breathe. A few days ago, my allergies began reacting to the increased pollen. Itchy eyes, scratchy throat, pain in the ears. Now, I'm just plain sick. Can't breathe. Eyes swollen. I've taken much more cold medicine than one person should. I've used warm compresses on the face. Nothing works. I can't sleep because when I lie down, I cough and cough. This sucks. Why does nothing work?

3 more weeks of student teaching. 2 "second" interviews this week. Very thankful for all of the good things. Need to get rest this weekend, but also need to put together teaching portfolio. Hope I can do both.

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Top 5 Hot Actors I'd Run Away With (or like to be stranded on a desert island with)

5. Dan Futterman
4. Paul Rudd
3. David Duchovny
2. James Marsters
1. John Cusack

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Song Lyrics for this Blog

SONG TITLE: "Sideways"
ARTIST: Citizen Cope

you know it ain't easy ...For these thoughts here to leave me ... There's no words to describe it ... In French or in English

Well, diamonds they fade ... And flowers they bloom ... And I'm telling you ... These feelings won't go away ... They've been knockin' me sideways ... They've been knockin' me out lately ... Whenever you come around me ... These feelings won't go away ... They've been knockin' me sideways ... I keep thinking in a moment that ... Time will take them away...

But these feelings won't go away...

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Brad-
Glad I could help with suggesting this song? Isn't a perfect to describe that surprising crush on a new person? Can I pick songs, or what? You know you should always trust me.

Part of Your Complete Screwed Up Life

There is a joke in my family that I never do things the easy way. In order for me to achieve anything, I must get to it the most complicated way possible, even if it's not a complicated process. In other words, I find a way to screw up everything. It's just my nature. Pop used to say I could break an anvil. Then there's the joke about my dark cloud that follows me everywhere. You welcome me into your life, I'll find some way to dismantle things before I leave.

I don't mean to be so difficult. I would like to live a fairly simple existence. I would like for things to come as easy for me as they do for some other people, especially those I deem less deserving (ok, I never said I wasn't a little self-centered). I'm not a fancy girl. I'm low maintenance. I need good music, good books, good friends, and someone to look at me adoringly. Give me some Van Morrison, a glass of wine, dancing in the living room with a someone who thinks I'm the cat's pajamas, and I'm ok.

But I come with baggage.

I have what is called Generalized Anxiety Disorder. This means that occasionally, I will absolutely panic about something that may,to someone else, be no big deal. Like, I used to be terrified of fast food drive-thru windows. You laugh, but it was very real to me. In the first grade, I walked 5 miles toward my house from school because I was scared of being caught without a pencil. I fear that I will board public transportation and it will never stop to let me off. I don't like driving to locations of which I don't intimately know how to get to. I once sat in my car for three hours instead of going to a class I signed up to take in college. Yes, me and this disorder have spent quite a few years together. It's just part of me. Friends joke about my neurotic personality. I hate odd numbers, I don't like things to touch my feet, etc...Yes, it's all cute. But, this paralyzing fear is keeping me from a big step in my life...graduating. I cannot bring myself to take my oral exam. The very thought of it makes me want to slit my wrists. Over the last few days, knowing it was approaching, I've sank into this depression. I feel uncomfortable in my own skin.

Then it hit me. I just can't.

30 credit hours. Six years of my life. A 3.7 GPA. That awful Research class. A summer spent in Digital Publishing. RHETORIC with Jacobi! And I can't do it.

My mind is made up.

So I am researching other grad programs that I can transfer in to. One without an oral exam requirement. I'll lose most of my credit hours and I'm probably staring down another long road of classes.

But still all I need is Van Morrison, a glass of wine, dancing around the living room with a beautiful boy. And I'll be okay.

Quote This!

When a woman gives birth to a crack baby, you don't buy her a puppy!

My [Partially Borrowed] Theory of the Mix Tape (CD)

I grew up. literally surrounded my music. My mother listened to it while I was in the womb. I've been told I could only sleep next to a blaring speaker--Led Zep, the Who, -anything loud. I've read that the cassette was invented to make sure that you would not have to listen your mother, in any environment, but especially in the car, from the ages of 13 to 15, but it is because of my mother and her music that I am the afficianado I am today.

And really, I thought I was the only person on the planet who devoted so much time to making mix tapes until I discovered the book “High Fidelity” by Nick Hornby and read,

"I spent hours putting that cassette together. To me, making a tape is like writing a letter -- there's a lot of erasing and rethinking and starting again, and I wanted it to be a good one. A good compilation tape, like breaking up, is hard to do. You've got to kick off with a corker, to hold the attention . . . and then you've got to up it a notch, or cool it a notch, and you can't have white music and black music together, unless the white music sounds like black music, and you can't have two tracks by the same artist side by side, unless you've done the whole thing in pairs and . . . oh, there are loads of rules." (nick h.)

I remember thinking that I had met a soulmate in this author. This is exactly the way I’d thought about my craft. A ridiculous amount of thought goes into every aspect of the mixtape. You have to rearrange the songs time after time until they have the right flow, take out ones that don’t seem to fit even if you really, really wanted to put them on the tape…I mean, there are actually rules. I even found websites dedicated to the rules of the art. However, I think the mixtape is personal, and you can’t really borrow from anyone else’s methods.

Mix tapes for people who are new friends should be a mix of music that they don’t really know but will like. Then they will think you’re cool and listen to your musical advice. Mix tapes for good friends should be like letters written completely in lyrics. Music is a language and mixtapes are fabulous forms of communication. I've always enjoyed making mixtapes for friends. So to steal a line from Nick Hornby himself, “all I have to say about these songs is that I love them, and want to sing along to them, and force other people to listen to them, and get cross when… other people don't like them as much as I do”

If I made you a mix tape (CD), it means that I must love you enough to share my art. For some, it means more. What else can I do but write you a letter in songs? Listen to what the words say. Figure it out.

Apr 4 Was a Bad Day

Sleepless again, worrying about a day that I cannot change. It was bad. It was one of those experiences where I was mortified and uncomfortable and I never want to think about it again ever, but my mind keeps replaying every teeth-clenching moment of it.... It's like, when I was kid, you know, like five or so, I was with Marlene and Charles in Eckerd. I picked up a pack of Bubblelicious-Watermelon flavored, and was taking it to Marlene to ask if she would buy it. When I got to her, she sternly grabbed my arm and started walking out of the store. She was aggravated about something (she usually was back then) and forcefully dragging me towards the exit. I started to panic because I knew I had the gum in my hand, but she wasn't listening to me so I could ask for the gum. About the time we got to the door, she spotted the gum in my hand and began to yell at me that I was stealing! I tried to tell her the truth, but before I could get it out, I got one swift pop on the behind and I was made to take the gum back to the register (what felt like a mile-long walk) and I had to put the gum back. Then, I got a lecture on shoplifting. I remember that every time I thought about that moment after that, I would get this bitter taste in the back of my throat and my eyes would tear up. I was so embarrassed!! Now, I'm mentally reliving my idiocy from yesterday. I hate it. I hate that feeling. I hate that I was such a moron yesterday, but I was nervous and scared and that's what I do when I'm nervous and scared. I'm still very much a little girl.

Spring Break Ends

So it's over. No more updating the blog daily, no more wearing pj's until 3 in the afternoon, no more talking on the phone for hours (Tanya, I'm gonna hate to see your phone bill--ha! ha!), no more IM'ing for awhile (sorry, Flub! Just remember, if you're not rich or stupid, you *should* be a democrat! LOL!). Can now justifiably say that I should've used the time off for studying. I did spend one afternoon in Books-a-Million. Does that count? I cleaned the library out of poetry books.

I'm sitting here listening to my new Paste Music Sampler, drinking Sumatra, wearing my old trusty Ramones t-shirt and one contact. I had to throw the left one away and my new contacts won't be here for 2 weeks. I don't want to wait 2 weeks. Even Lens Express and 1-800-Contacts said it would be as long as ten days before they could get them. Uh--not much "express" in their Lens Express, eh?

I've been downloading lots of new music. Really like Kathleen Edwards. I realized that World Cafe on NPR is a lot like my mix CD's I listen to in the car. Also been checking out some emo stuff referred by a fella. The guy's ok, the music might have to grow on me...ha! ha! No, some of it ain't bad. Hopefully, he'll make me a mix or at least let me borrow a few CDs to make my own.

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[Song lyrics for this blog]

Song Title: Everybody's Stalking
Artist: Badly Drawn Boy

Been feeling high ... Then feeling low ... Strap your hands across my engines ... I'm not a broke so please don't bend me ...You're like neon sign ... Just burn so bright ... Penetrates like an infection ... Gives me feeling I can't mention ...Maybe all I need ... You need to ... Don't wait for me ...I'll wait for you

Gonna follow you around ...Gonna wear you down ... Don't want to alienate you ... As long as it might take you

Things come in ones ... And double up to twos ... Don't want to rain on your procession ... Only seeking you obsession... It might take a little time ... Got all the time we need ... I'm not here to try and fool you ... Just trying to break down thru you ...That's wasn't right ... Then nothings wrong ... I've gotta feeling its alright ....Gotta keep you in my sights

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LAST THOUGHTS: You know, some people are just really, really small. Small-minded, doesn't even begin to describe. I shouldn't be surprised, but the immaturity of people who are supposedly adults...you know, I think that they should just really, really be embarrassed of who they've turned into...two gossipy old vultures full of misinformation. To name them here would be as shallow as they, but I hope they read this and their twisted little faces burn in the knowledge that I know what they're saying, and that they're wrong, and that there are people who know them who just feel really sorry for them. Karma, sweet sisters. KARMA.